Up!

Sometimes I think life sends you little divine gifts that you were meant to see at a specific point in time. I guess for me, as corny as it might seem, Up! was one of those little gifts.
I'd expect nothing less of a Pixar movie, but the underlying theme is something that gets overlooked a lot these days (I'm guilty of it all the time), so I'm glad it was addressed. I won't spoil anything, but it's definitely worth a watch. Your heart will thank you.

This weekend has been really good. Seeing the movie with a group of friends, a nice dinner with dad, Tara, Lexi and Nathan, and a few other various highlights. We might not be able to go to dinner tonight, which would make me kind of sad. But it will leave me some extra time to do homework, which I have been stupidly neglecting.

Speaking of school... I think this will be my last quarter for awhile. Possibly ever, at this school. Not because I don't enjoy it, not because I don't want to succeed. I just don't think I was truly ready to take this on. I need to do a little more discovering on my own about what kind of designer I want to be, what kind of career I want to have, and what kind of person I am in relation to all that. I think if I tried working at my own pace for a little while, and focused more on my job, that might be healthy. You could look at it as giving up, but I know now this could be a healthier path for me. Not giving up at all- just changing directions. For a while the only thing that's kept me going is worrying about who I'm going to disappoint, when all the while I've disappointed myself. Does that make sense? I think so.

What I'd like to do in the near future as well, is actually follow through with one of my other dreams of selling my own art. I could sell it online on sights like Etsy, or possibly try some fairs or farmers markets in the area. I will do some more research, but I know this is something I'm capable of accomplishing. And a little extra money never hurt anyone. :)

Now I need to do homework. And make lunch. Oooh what a wonderful Sunday.

On a happier note

Going to American Apparel with Kristina. Retail therapy man.

I want to laugh/cry

Work was so incredibly nice this morning, it didn't even really feel like work. We were all laughing and singing ridiculous songs, and for the most part the customers were in a good mood. Maybe it's because it's friday. And sunny. And warm.

So of course when I get home, it just can't continue to be good. Nathan tells me his pay has been decreased, and his work load increased, and is considering taking back his promise of going to USC with me. He once again PROMISES me shit and just can't stick to it. I gave up my work hours for this.. it isn't fair. I don't think I have anyone else to go with, so if he decides not to come, I will be so incredibly angry. It sucks that he lost money, but he still makes a ton more then I do. I even offered to pay for his ticket.

UUUGH.

It's stupid

I spent all day feeling relatively pretty, because I spent a little extra time making my hair look nicer then it normally does, and wore a skirt to work with some nice pearls. I just felt like looking nice, y'know? I was excited to come home and hope Nathan noticed the little something extra... but I've been ignored for a video game since I got here. =/

I shouldn't care, but I guess I just feel super emotional today as it is. Don't know why, it just goes up and down. I'm the dumbest person ever sometimes. Dumb and average in just about every way. Uugh. :(

This weekend in words

Work. Sailing. Folk Life. Stress. Love. Star Trek (AGAIN :D). Coffee. Naps. Jelly Fish. Sun-shine. Hot dogs. Strawberries. Peace.

Altoid reminder.

Don't forget!!!

>:(

I really dislike the days where it would seem I don't exist.

Half-sleep

While I'm in a state of mental limbo, I figure it couldn't hurt to write a bit...


I'm somewhere between wanting a nap and wanting to grab coffee with somebody. But since it would seem most people are either busy at work or elsewhere right now, I'll probably opt to sleep for an hour or two.

Nathan is gone at a LAN tonight, and I'm grateful for the time apart. I love him, but sometimes are challenges are overwhelming and I need more space in order to figure them out. He's good to me; I know he's trying very hard to be the best boyfriend he can. But he's young, I'm young, and between the two of us there's still a great deal of immaturitiy that must be dealt with. There is one issue in particular that I don't know if we'll ever be able to hurdle over. It scares me, but I keep trying anyways.

Ugh. Aside from that...
The rest of today is fairly wide open. I can't decide if I'd prefer something really exciting to happen, or if I just want to loaf around and clean up the apartment. Both sound pretty appealing, actually. Another early morning tomorrow, so whatever the rest of today has in store, it just needs to be chill.
This or that. Everything's in halves right now.
I love/hate indecisiveness.

How lovely

Chanel got it right in their 2010 resort collection. Way better then what they did for fall..

Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine

Now I remember what it really feels like to love videogames again. :3

I bought an xbox game that has 30+ Sega Genesis games on it. Ah sweet nostalgia. =)




And now, time to try and focus. I've been slacking, I know. I need to get my ass back in gear.

Letdown

I'm not necessarily doing bad today. I'm just not all there.

I haven't had a free day in two weeks. It's possible I'm just the laziest person alive, but for me.. this is a bit much. My sleep is all messed up. All of my goals are slightly unorganized. I can't focus efficiently.
I'm a silent mess.

Had a bad episode last night. There are blood blisters all around my face today... it's humiliating, but in the way that no one else really notices what's going on. But I see it... and that's enough to make me unhappy. I know the tiny red marks will be gone tomorrow. But for now, they are a reminder of everything I hate about myself.

Now that I really look at it, maybe I am doing bad today. =/





But at least this weekend, there was Star Trek. Zachary Quinto, you are my Vulcan fantasy. >:D

Eh...

Well..
Hm.

I guess going to school this summer is looking a bit dismal. I ran out of loan money, and now.. it would seem.. I need to make some more money. Fancy that. It's not my ideal summer plan, but it's not the worst thing that could have happened. The worst thing that could have happened is me having to drop out. Which is, like I said, not happening.
So. Yay?

Blah. I hate this sluggish pace. All of my friends in school don't have to worry about this crap. Their parents were apparently smart with their money. I hate knowing that all I have to look forward to right out of school is a fuck ton of debt. Is it really worth it? Is it not possible to get a job in the industry without this schooling? I really don't know. I wish I had the answers, but a path needs to be blindly chosen, and I'm not going to wait around and worry about which one is ultimately right.

I just need to do shit. Basically.

Haha

I already have a nickname at my new store. They call me "Daria", like the chick on the old MTV show. Apparently I am just that dry and sarcastic.
I win at life.

Anti-idleness

Music for today:
Royksopp's Junior album
Iron and Wine's album, The Shepard's Dog
The soundtrack to Slumdog Millionaire
and whatever else my iPod decides upon in between.

I can't say I feel bad right now. I made two hats today.. they're pretty cute. Much better then my attempt last quarter. I just feel completely spent. Not having a free day between work and school just plain sucks. Being busy is better then being an idle pile of goo, though. But between homework, work work, class, and trying to keep this house in order... *head explosion*. Hopefully the busier I stay, the more accustom to it I will become. At least I don't feel guilty for doing nothing anymore. It's impossible to. I've never really felt like I was doing my absolute best until now.

Ohohoh, I think I might be going to Cozumel in September with Nathan's family. At least, he says if I can get my passport in order then I can go. :D
So I should probably do that. He's going to teach me to scuba dive! I've always wanted to. The ocean is just this mysterious, vast force of awesome. Like another world underneath us. I can't wait.