Macbookin'

First post from my new lappie- I'm completely in love with it. I've yet to unlock all of its glorious features and capabilities, but so far it's been smooth sailing. It's nice to be back on a Mac.. my PC was fine, but I was raised on Macs, so they'll probably always just make more sense to me.

I'm at Glenn's right now (and most days, really.) We were going to go to the zoo today, but I don't think either of us were really feeling it for some reason. Mostly because of money.. but we decided a random drive to Leavenworth would be much better. It was gorgeous the entire way there; I think we both end up feeling so congested by the city sometimes that we need to randomly just get the fuck out for awhile. The air smelled so clean when we got really high up into the mountains, and everything was so quiet and green. I couldn't help but wonder if I'd have an artistic breakthrough of sorts if I could just get away for awhile, and find some peace away from friends/noise/everything. But that's probably just me making excuses for my laziness. The fair in which I'm selling a couple of paintings is coming up on Friday.. I wish I'd taken the time to paint more. But I need to be proud of what I did. Hopefully I'll sell maybe one or two things, and it will boost my confidence a bit. Fingers crossed.

I hate that feeling of needing to brush your teeth. That sour, food-is-rotting-on-your-gums feeling. I need to take care of it now.

I'm almost feeling like too much crap to write, and yet, I still feel like I should get it out while I'm alone. Perhaps because I don't have someone around to bounce vents off of, or maybe just because I occasionally enjoy talking to myself uninterrupted.

Today a homeless man became irate at work because I kicked him out for trying to scam me into using our bathroom to shower/do drugs/ whatever else homeless people do in our bathrooms. I don't think I want to know. The whole incedent was slightly disturbing, and thankfully Charles, who was on his lunch, (and Nathan, who decided to visit and come chat for awhile) both jumped up from their seats, ready to ward off the crazy man. It reminded me that I miss the days where I felt sorry for homeless people, and felt good about giving them money. In the past couple of years, I've experienced a complete change in mindset. What I once saw as poor, defenseless and unlucky, I now can't help but see as lazy, rude, and selfish.

Wow, my stomach really does hurt that bad.. I'll have to continue this rant later. :(

Listy list

Random points of current interest-
* I'm about to go a week without Glenn. In some ways I'm sad about it, in others I know it's perfectly healthy to have some time apart.
* I'm really really hungry.
* I've had random lower abdominal pains the past few days, and I'm not sure if I should go to the doctor and investigate the matter further.
* Glenn is getting a special random present tonight. :)
* Saving money is really hard.
* I need to make more art. More. More. MORE.
* I feel like I don't read enough. I feel like I would be a more interesting and well-rounded person if I did.
* I don't know why I'm writing any of this down, since I don't think anyone reads this anymore. Not that I blame anyone, I don't exactly post very often.
* I bounce back from feeling like I'm on the right track to completely empty and pointless. I'm beginning to think it comes with the territory of being my age.. but maybe not.
*Speaking of age, my birthday is coming soon. I've yet to make a plan for it, but I'm sure something will end up working out and it will be great fun.
*Teriyaki, or ice cream? Hmmm...

Time to pack my bag up for tonight.

Love

Sweet ass new hookah bar + friends + burrito + work visit from Glenn = Amanda loves today.

The geometry of passion

I can't properly articulate how I feel at this precise moment. It's somewhere between really good and kind of worried.. swaying back and forth between those two extremes. For so many years I've wanted my desire to make art to make sense, and to not feel like it's a complete waste of time. Or money. I feel like the answer is somewhere close by, and that excites me. I think the worry is me thinking I might be let down by what I do (or don't) discover.

We'll see. I must continue to focus on it for a reason.

Capitol Hellian

Not really. But I do live on Capitol Hill now.

To summarize- shitty house with cheap rent, no money to speak of, working as much as possible. But when I come home (or to Glenn's house) every day exhausted, it's a happy, relived sort of exhausted. I'm no longer reliant on Nathan for food or money or anything. It doesn't seem like a milestone achievement, but I'm so much happier lately. I like having my own space again. Even if I'm not home very often.

Things have changed quite a bit since the last time I've written here. Nathan now lives by Uwajimaya, and is working on some really huge projects with his company. I saw him today, and he helped me collect the last of my things to bring to my new place. I'm glad we're still friends. We weren't right for eachother, but he's a good guy.

Tomorrow Glenn and I are going to Bellingham to visit his parents for his dad's birthday. I know the name "Glenn" is unfamiliar to this blog (unless I've ever written about our silly work antics.. oh how I miss them) but rest assured, he is quite wonderful. Every day I wake up smiling, thinking of whatever adventures we have planned for when I get off work (even if it's just watching cartoons and making dinner for eachother).

Life feels a bit directionless right now. But it's still really really good.

Time to go to 15th Ave Coffee (Secretly owned by Starbucks) for some amazing green tea and live music.

Did absolutely nothing today

BUT

I saw a lady with a cat she keeps in a stroller at Starbucks.
I watched a lot of youtube videos.
I sang.
I talked to friends.
I did some laundry.
And I took a shower.

So when you look at it that way... I still pretty much did nothing. I felt guilty about it for awhile, but now I'm over it.